The Los Angeles Police Department Code of Conduct Has Been Reduced to ‘Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be the Whole of the Law’
Los Angeles, CA—In order to modernize an outdated code of conduct that didn’t properly reflect current ethics standards, Los Angeles police departments have been rolling out updates that comply with Thelemic Law. The change is intended to boost morale in the face of criticism by eliminating any confusing pretense of protecting or serving.
Continue reading LAPD Code of Ethics Replaced with Thelemic Law
In efforts to offset the tragic and completely unavoidable killing of a Trader Joe’s manager on Saturday, the store is amplifying its employee rewards track with a token to present at the River Styx. In the event that an unknowable and cruel god once again acts through the unwitting hands of a Los Angeles police officer to send them to the underworld, any Trader Joe’s manager may redeem the token for safe passage.
Continue reading New Trader Joe’s Incentive Package To Include Coin For Ferryman
An Impassioned Plea to Open the Gates of Flavor Country
The homeless are officially out of control and going buck wild. The incredible burden that they place on us by standing within view while we exit coffee shops with our $12 lattes is an unconscionable offense against the working class. Just the other day I exited the freeway and had to spend time fiddling with my radio dial to avoid eye contact with a man holding a Will Work for Food sign. Obviously, if you wanted food so much you’d have a job, you dildo.
Continue reading A Modest Proposal: Let’s Start Eating the Homeless