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Heroic Dog Barking At Wall Only Thing Protecting Family From Demonic Forces

Louisville, KY—Professor Paws, golden Labrador and darling of the Parker family, has waged an exhausting war to defend the couple and their two infant children from dark forces. While Paws’ antics serve as amusement for the oblivious family he would gladly lay his life down for, ancient powers beyond their imagining hunger for their blood and skin.

As their youngest daughter Tandy clapped and gurgled at Paws’ funny barking on Wednesday evening, spectral claws extended toward her from an entity that has only known madness in its eons of existence. Desiring her warm flesh as a vessel for its unthinkable malignancy, it screamed in silence at the noble dog’s valiant defense.

“Shut that damn mutt up or the muzzle’s going back on,” Stan Parker yelled towards the kitchen where his wife was mentally ticking off how many glasses of wine Stan had put away that evening.

The home had been a hotbed of supernatural activity since the family and their 4-week-old puppy had moved in. While Stan Parker had initially found the young Lab’s energetic outbursts at the antique wardrobe left behind by the Romanian woman who had died there endearing, he quickly soured on its displays of altruistic heroism.

The spite-filled horror that ached to taste the Parkers’ sweet humanity had known no satisfaction under the watchful eye of Professor Paws, though the dog had seen little rest in the home. He knew what had to be done to protect the ones he loved, and his commitment to duty was unflinching.

“The kids love him, without a doubt,” Stan remarked to reporters, “but we’re having him put down this weekend. The noise is ridiculous.”