Category Archives: Opinion

Opinion

Blind People Are Racist & They Don’t Want You To Know

I Know What You See When You Look At Me, Asshole: Nothing

Don’t pull that Stevie Wonder routine, your vacant and cheery smile doesn’t pull water with me. Your smug air of superiority permeates the air like the overcast day you’re totally oblivious to. I know that you’re judging me by the color of my skin, and I will describe it to you in order to confirm that.

Continue reading Blind People Are Racist & They Don’t Want You To Know

A Modest Proposal: Let’s Start Eating the Homeless

An Impassioned Plea to Open the Gates of Flavor Country

The homeless are officially out of control and going buck wild. The incredible burden that they place on us by standing within view while we exit coffee shops with our $12 lattes is an unconscionable offense against the working class. Just the other day I exited the freeway and had to spend time fiddling with my radio dial to avoid eye contact with a man holding a Will Work for Food sign. Obviously, if you wanted food so much you’d have a job, you dildo.

Continue reading A Modest Proposal: Let’s Start Eating the Homeless

A Game Development Wish List for Discerning Perverts

Our Ideal Nutaku Gaming Platform Offerings

Let’s not beat around the bush any more than we must to achieve completion: video games that don’t offer copious sexual themes are the worst. The average human being can’t look at a rotary telephone without experiencing an immediate need for carnal release because we are base creatures unclean in the eyes of a loving God. Continue reading A Game Development Wish List for Discerning Perverts

Read This McDonald’s: Szechuan Sauce is a Gateway Drug

It’s Been a Day Since I Hit the McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce and I No Longer Remember My Name

Shivering in the white room and needing another hit of McDonald’s Szechuan sauce, I desperately struggle to remember which of my friends I haven’t burned already so I can hit them up for some quick cash. I need a taste of that Sweet, Sweet and I will cut someone if I have to. Continue reading Read This McDonald’s: Szechuan Sauce is a Gateway Drug