Category Archives: Business

Business

Promise of Autonomous Sex Robots Threatened By Tesla Stock Fall

As Tesla Inc (TSLA) stock dropped another 3% on Friday, speculators in pleasure futures moaned in dissatisfaction. Since the earliest whispers of self-driving cars reached their titillated ears and gave them the shakes, sweat-soaked perverts with their fingers on the pulse of technology giants have anticipated the announcement of sex bots. Now that eventuality may be imperiled.

Continue reading Promise of Autonomous Sex Robots Threatened By Tesla Stock Fall

New Trader Joe’s Incentive Package To Include Coin For Ferryman

In efforts to offset the tragic and completely unavoidable killing of a Trader Joe’s manager on Saturday, the store is amplifying its employee rewards track with a token to present at the River Styx. In the event that an unknowable and cruel god once again acts through the unwitting hands of a Los Angeles police officer to send them to the underworld, any Trader Joe’s manager may redeem the token for safe passage.

Continue reading New Trader Joe’s Incentive Package To Include Coin For Ferryman

Elon Musk Interprets Nutrition Facts On Box As Gotcha Journalism

Entrepreneur Fights Back Against Perceived Slights from Cereal Company

Increasingly defiant toward the pressures of celebrity since the media began reporting on his company Tesla’s lackluster business earnings, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk condemned the nutrition facts on the side of his Count Chocula box, calling it “another hostile, deliberately timed act by the media circus” and “a clear and blatant hit piece.”

Continue reading Elon Musk Interprets Nutrition Facts On Box As Gotcha Journalism

Chinese Phones Have Collected Millions Of Hours Of Bathroom Audio

Have WeChat Installed? Someone Might Be Masturbating To Audio Of You Urinating

Chinese telecommunications giant ZTE has landed in a fresh bowl of hot water as leaks reveal it has been collecting mountains of audio recordings while Stateside owners used the restroom. The news comes as President Donald Trump and defrocked pop singer R. Kelly join forces on Twitter to defend the the Chinese firm’s amber stream of revenue.

Continue reading Chinese Phones Have Collected Millions Of Hours Of Bathroom Audio